Friendship 101

My brilliant friend Maggieothevalley just wrote an excellent post about friendship, and it inspired me to do the same!

Disclaimer: This post is written about normal friendships, not abusive ones. In the case of abuse, please seek help! Also, read this.

My Friend Story

I write this as a person who has grown in the area of making friends and being a friend. Growing up I was always painfully shy. I’m talking about about hide-behind-my-mom-can’t-make-eye-contact-can-barely-hear-me-because-i-spoke-too-softly kind of shy. I also could not be vulnerable – if I was upset, I shut down. (I’m still working on this but I’ve gotten much better.) This all changed out of necessity, when I started working at a coffee shop. I had to call out orders and I got tired of repeating myself because people couldn’t hear me. This started my life long journey of learning to be more confident and charismatic. I am always reading books on the subject and watching YouTube videos. I think everyone can develop these traits, you already have what you need, you just have to learn to let it shine.

How does all this have to do with being a friend? Well, you can’t give what you don’t have. It’s very hard to have the confidence to make a new friend if you are constantly focusing on yourself and how weird you are. I believe it’s important to develop an arsenal of habits and mentalities that make you feel more confident and secure in yourself. I think we try to attract friends by appearing strong and showcasing our beauty, talents, intelligence, and accomplishments when really it’s more about being kind, welcoming, uplifting, and genuinely showing interest in someone else, and giving others permission to be authentic through our vulnerability.

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