Recently, a friend of mine asked me:
“Do you like being a stay-at-home mom?”
What a poignant question, and I thought later on…that would make a great blog post!
I love being stay-at-home mom, but it does come with it’s challenges. I am committed to thrive, however, despite the challenges!
Disclaimer: In this post when I say “stay-at-mom” I am referring to women who do not go to a job outside the home. All moms work, paycheck or not.
Inadequacy, Superiority , and Holiness
But let me get this out of the way. If you have feelings of inadequacy because you aren’t a stay-at-home mom or because you are, that ain’t nothin’ but the devil (as Kalen Allen would say.)
And something else that ain’t nothin’ but the devil? Feeling superior to other women because you are a stay-at-home mom.
We all have different circumstances and we must discern what is best for our family and our situation. The beauty of the modern world is all the options women now have, we are free to be stay-at-home moms (or dads) if our finances allow, work from home, work outside the home, whatever. And holiness can be achieved no matter where you do your work, God will provide based on your circumstances, so if you have discerned working outside the home is best for you and your family, Amen sister, more power to you! I think work-outside-the-home moms are heroic to spin so many plates. And if you wish you were a stay-at-home mom, and think you can’t be, please take some time and re-evaluate your financial situation. With some sacrifices, you may be able to find a way! (The book Miserly Moms is a great resource for this.)
My Family’s Current Circumstance
I desired to be a stay-at-home mom before we got married and my husband and I both agreed we’d want one of us to be a stay-at-home parent once children came, before we got married. Since we knew we’d want several children, he wanted to be the main provider for our family, and I was happy to stay-at-home, it just works for us. We have to make a lot of sacrifices to make it happen, however. I watch our food budget very closely and I normally cook 6 days out of the week, and I practice other frugal habits. And now that I have a blog, I have transitioned to being a work-at-home mom, and I do my work when my kids are asleep and as my family’s needs allow.
Here’s a list of the pros and cons:
The Pros
- Seeing all of the milestones.
- Being highly involved in my children’s discipline and development.
- Getting to be the primary influence over my children.
- More capacity for quality time.
- Flexibility with household duties and ample time for them – it’s easier to be the kind of homemaker I want be,
- Opportunities for flexible, creative work like blogging.
- Not having to call out from work when my kids are sick.
- Not having to worry about the quality of their childcare providers.
- Not having to pay for childcare.
The Cons
- No paycheck.
- Less social interaction.
- Must be very disciplined.
- Feeling like I wasted time and money on my college education.
- Wondering if I am a weirdo because of the choice I’ve made.
- Being under scrutiny by people who have no idea what I do all day.
- More pressure to limit screen time because I am the main care provider.
Make the Most of Your Situation
I view the cons of being a stay-at-home mom as opportunities, not unchangeable circumstances :
- No paycheck. Get creative and find ways to save money.
- Less social interaction. Join a local moms group, make friends with moms at the park, nurture relationships with your single friends.
- Must be very disciplined. Grow in self-discipline. Design a schedule that suits your and your family’s unique needs.
- Feeling like I wasted time and money on my college education. Your education could never be a waste. All you’ve learned you can share with your children. Also, read this.
- Wondering if I am a weirdo because of the choice I’ve made. Make friends with like-minded women. Read blogs of like-minded women. But do not exclude women of different circumstances. We need friends of all kinds, not just those who share the exact same life situation.
- Being under scrutiny by people who have no idea what I do all day. Pray for and bless these people. They don’t understand and that’s okay.
- More pressure to limit screen time. Give yourself grace about this. You are likely the only one in charge of your kids all day, to keep your sanity you may have to have the T.V. on more than you’d like. Just do your best to try to increase healthier activities and the screen time will decrease as a result.
W
hat if I‘ve done all the above and I’m still not happy?
If you’ve tried everything and you’re not happy, maybe God has called you to work outside the home, or find some other setup that works better for you. If you or your spouse has been trying to make everything work for some time and it’s just not working, then it’s probably not God’s will for your family but that’s good! Exciting things happen when you seek God’s will.
Additional Resources
Books:
Stay-at-home/work-from-home mom blogs:
And let’s not forget the great and holy moms of different circumstances:
St. Gianna and the working Catholic mom
Great post about what holiness might look like for a work-outside-the-home mom.
Although this post fails to mention women who have never been married that are single moms, it still gives great insight into what it is like to be a single mom in the Church. My favorite part was this idea: Instead of placing judgement on others, why don’t we offer help?
All this talk about accepting differences reminded me of a song! Just check out that awesome 90’s style and great lyrics.
So, is it worth it?
Even though being a stay-at-home mom, and doing it well, is a daunting task, if it’s your heart’s desire you can find ways to overcome the challenges. And for me, it is worth it. But only you can decide what is best for you and your family.