Many of us have alot more quantity time with our spouse right now, with many people being forced to work from home.
It sounds great, right? I mean, we are always talking about having more togetherness…
Until, it’s not. We may have unknown expectations that we are projecting onto our spouse, hidden resentments , or we are just feeling all the feelings and they become our target. Because they are right. there.
We nag.
We fight.
We complain.
Our husband withdraws or snaps back.
We feel lonely and neglected.
We treat the drive thru worker with more respect and dignity than our own spouse…wait, what? When you think about it it’s pretty silly but we all get to this place.
So what is the answer? What would Laura Doyle recommend? I think she’d tell us to keep our eyes on our own page. This doesn’t mean your husband has no blame but does mean we can only control ourselves and our behavior. I think she’d tell us :
- Call your girlfriends. Vent to them. Don’t make your husband the only one to hear everything . Talk to the friends who believe in your marriage not the ones that want to bash marriage.
- Practice self care. Make a list of things to do when quarantine is over. Try to do three frivolous things each day, just because you like it. Paint your nails, take a bath, watch silly YouTube videos. This will help you keep a cheerier disposition which uplifts the whole household and makes you more attractive to your husband. Win win.
- Have gratitude. Look for the good. Notice every single good thing your husband does . Write it down. Eventually these things will stand out more . Even take note of the fact that he is at home with you and not somewhere else. That he is doing his job. It’s easy to take these things for granted.
- Smile at your husband.
- Verbally thank your husband for something and look him in the eyes. You have extraordinary power, you know.
- Speak “spouse fulfilling prophecies” – “you are always so helpful with the kids” or “you are always so helpful around the house.”
- Have empathy for your husband. He’s doing something new just like you are. Be the kind of wife you’d want your son to have if he was in this situation, Amen? We can’t all handle everything gracefully all the time and we often expect this of our spouse.
Even though we are undergoing challenging circumstances, if we focus on what we can control our marriage can still thrive.