The purpose of this post is to share my personal experience and to also let others moms know there are other options out there if you aren’t happy with the way you are doing things. If everything is working great for you, you and your family are happy, healthy, and well-rested, keep on keepin’ on. I would never want this post to make anyone feel wrong or guilty about their choices. I believe involved parents are all trying to do what’s best for their children and what established authorities have told them is best. Also note, this post is not medical advice. I am a mom of three sharing my experiences.Continue reading “How I Inadvertently Became an Attachment Parent and Why It Isn’t For Me”
Being a SAHM (stay-at-home mom) in some circles is a great thing and in others it’s frowned upon. (Don’t believe me? Watch this.) I have been scrutinized for choosing to be a SAHM, and we all know the typical adage of a SAHM sitting around eating bon bons. Ha! There are stereotypes of all kinds of moms, whether you work outside the home or in the home. Why don’t we stop judging people based on stereotypes and commend the actual efforts they are making for their families, amen? Anyway, how can you judge a person based on their title? You can only judge individual behaviors as being lazy, etc. It is possible to be lazy no matter what work you do as a mom.
This is MY cup of tea, it’s okay to have your own.
With all that said I think it’s important to be proud of what you do, give yourself credit for it, and be grateful for the opportunities within your work. While at the same time, own the fact it may not be everyone’s cup of tea but it is yours and that’s okay. Here’s why I’m proud of the work I do as a SAHM, what I have learned as a result of being one, as well as why I’m grateful I get to do it :
I can effectively balance competing demands.
My kids respect my authority.
I save my family tons of money.
I bring peace to my family.
I am a stabilizing presence in my family.
My house is well-maintained. I’ve learned to be a good steward of our belongings.
I know what we need and what we don’t.
My children can be sick and rest and I don’t have to choose between them and outside work.
I have quantity time with my children and therefore quality time happens naturally .
I get to set my own schedule and priorities.
I decide when the work day starts and ends and how strenuous it will be based on everyone’s needs (including mine) .
I have more time to teach my kids about discipline and chores.
I get to be my kids main influence.
I can set aside time for creative pursuits.
I have more control over what I and my family eat because I have more capacity to cook.
My home environment is more peaceful and under control than it would be otherwise.
A side note
This is the way my family and I are choosing to do things and it’s what works for us. We have chosen this way of life because it is in line with our values, temperaments, financial situation, and overall life circumstance in general. We don’t choose it because it is the “right” or only way to do things, and we realize our priorities may change in the future and we are open to that. We make sacrifices to live this way but for us the quantity time we are able to have is well worth it. We are blessed to be able to find a way to make it work, I realize many families can’t especially where there is a very high cost of living.
If you can’t be a stay-at-home mom, or don’t want to, own that and be proud of what YOU do
I also want to note I fully support women working outside the home for whatever reason whether it’s an emotional need or financial need. I also support any woman in getting outside help and outsourcing where she can and where she sees fit even if she’s a SAHM. I don’t think this is indulgent, I think it’s wise. When you outsource you can save your energy on things that are closer to your core values, like more family time, or time to use your blue flame. It’s all a matter of where you think it’s most important for you to be spending your time and making that work according to your financial situation. Money is a tool and I think being wise is putting using your money in a way that aligns with your values and current hopes and dreams. It doesn’t mean always saving money no matter the cost.
A reader recently asked me what inspires me make time for creative pursuits. Let me break it down.Continue reading “Why I Write and What Keeps Me Inspired”
It’s Okay to Use Screens
Let yourself us screens right now. Yep, I said it. And yes I know what these guys say about it. All good parents want to give their children the best of themselves. They want the time they spend together to be educational, recreational, or some other kind of high quality time.
And that’s important.
Right Now is Different
But during a time such as this, we have to give ourselves grace and prioritize. That’s why I’m writing this post. Even before all of the COVID-19 chaos, I noticed my parenting peers feeling such shame about ever using screens (myself included). And now, so many parents view other people’s quarantine schedules and beat themselves up, or strive to do things the way someone else is doing them, etc. instead of looking at their reality and making a plan that works for them. Oh and by the way, making a plan takes focus and time and how are you going to get that? There’s nothing that makes more sense than allowing yourself to use screens. (And yes high quality screen time is best , but just for now a little extra Disney movies aren’t going to have any long term damage.)Continue reading “It’s Okay to Use Screens Right Now (and Other Ways to Relieve Stress)”
I have found myself asking God this question every morning. Amidst so much chaos, what would God have me do to help someone else? I feel like anything I can do is too small to make an impact. Of course prayer is super important, but so is taking action. Here are some thoughts I’m having right now about how to help others during this time.Continue reading “What Would You Have Me Do, Lord?”
I’ve been thinking a lot about love and marriage, especially upon listening to “The Empowered Wife” podcast, and finishing the book “The Five Love Languages”. And today is my husband and my 9 year wedding anniversary! So it seemed appropriate to share my thoughts:Continue reading “Thoughts on Love and Marriage”
No one really talks about suffering, and since it’s a pretty heavy topic, I’ll start off with a funny story.
For some reason, when I was thinking about writing this post, I thought about a trip I had to Santa Cruz, with my Aunt and my cousin.Continue reading “Thoughts on Suffering”
We hear constantly on the news about another shooting, political uproar, or some other disaster. That’s why it’s so important to seek out the good in the world and pay attention to everyday interactions. We have the power to make our break someone’s day. As Mother Teresa said, “if you can’t feed a hundred people, feed just one.” People are hungry. Hungry for love. Mother Teresa observed a great poverty in our country. A poverty of love. In Mother Teresa’s words:Continue reading “The World-Changing Power of Human Connection”
My family and I were driving home through the mountains and the dark, towering, majestic mountains reminded me of a song from Calamity Jane.Continue reading “Suspend Your Disbelief”
There’s Always Something
Recently, I have been feeling much more stressed. My schedule has been out of whack because it’s summer and my to do list has been larger because I have been entertaining more, which is wonderful and I love it, but it’s still a lot of work. We have had some unexpected repairs come up for the house as well as some other surprise mishaps. So needless to say, I’ve been stressed. I’ve tried to make time to read, however, and I just finished the book “Living a Life You Love: Embracing the Adventure of Being Led By the Holy Spirit” by Joyce Meyer. I loved it, it’s super simple and straight forward, like all of her books. And man, does she have a great sense of humor. The part about obedience really struck me, and how God rewards our obedience. I also took the part about praying for God’s grace to heart, and I have been.Continue reading “God’s Ways Are Better Than Our Ways”