My brilliant friend Maggieothevalley just wrote an excellent post about friendship, and it inspired me to do the same!
Disclaimer: This post is written about normal friendships, not abusive ones. In the case of abuse, please seek help! Also, read this.
My Friend Story
I write this as a person who has grown in the area of making friends and being a friend. Growing up I was always painfully shy. I’m talking about about hide-behind-my-mom-can’t-make-eye-contact-can-barely-hear-me-because-i-spoke-too-softly kind of shy. I also could not be vulnerable – if I was upset, I shut down. (I’m still working on this but I’ve gotten much better.) This all changed out of necessity, when I started working at a coffee shop. I had to call out orders and I got tired of repeating myself because people couldn’t hear me. This started my life long journey of learning to be more confident and charismatic. I am always reading books on the subject and watching YouTube videos. I think everyone can develop these traits, you already have what you need, you just have to learn to let it shine.
How does all this have to do with being a friend? Well, you can’t give what you don’t have. It’s very hard to have the confidence to make a new friend if you are constantly focusing on yourself and how weird you are. I believe it’s important to develop an arsenal of habits and mentalities that make you feel more confident and secure in yourself. I think we try to attract friends by appearing strong and showcasing our beauty, talents, intelligence, and accomplishments when really it’s more about being kind, welcoming, uplifting, and genuinely showing interest in someone else, and giving others permission to be authentic through our vulnerability.
I believe that being considerate is a vital part of being a decent human being. We should always have empathy and think of how others are feeling. But, I also think many of us have a wrong understanding of what being considerate is, and it can prevent us from having thriving relationships and meaningful connections with others as well as receiving the help we need.
I am so blessed to have an amazing mom and 2 wonderful mother-in-laws. Let me tell you about them:
My momma. She is so beautiful. A lady of great poise. Growing up, she made our house a home and sacrificed so much for us. She plays heavenly music on the piano, and she can comfort me like no one else in the world. She always understands. She sews precious little purses, pillow cases, and other projects. She helps run multiple people’s homes. She never complains. Though she doesn’t always consider herself the most prayerful or spiritual person – in my eyes she lives like a saint. A true example of the works of mercy.
Ever since I read, “The Surrendered Wife“, I’ve been very in tune to what I see around me. And you know what I see? So many of us women resent our husbands, and ACCEPT that that’s the way things are (especially after children). And you know what? I get it! Because I am human too. But I also have hope that it isn’t the way things have to be.
I love to learn about child-rearing practices in different cultures. Especially cultures where women get a super long maternity leave and extremely high-quality daycare. Yeah, I’m a total francophile. So when I found this book about French parenting, you better believe I was intrigued. Continue reading “Is French Parenting Better than American Parenting?”